God, I’m Christian and Gay

There are times when I look at the Bible and cry because I know that lesbianism isn’t what you want for me. There’s times when I just cry because I know you may hate me for it. I know you want me to be a happy girl. I know you want me to grow up and live a happy life with a guy like you had planned for me to do. But what happened? Your plan turned around. I fell into a deep relationship with a girl. And each time I saw her, I didn’t even think about how much it hurt you to see me that way. Until recently!!

I started questioning my sexuality. I’m afraid to hurt you. I’m afraid that you will send me to the underworld for being that way. I mean, my own mom can’t even except the fact that I’m not straight. She’d rather me go out and get pregnant. What kind of stuff is that? You don’t even want that for me. How can I come close with reality to learn that you’re okay with it?

Can I be a Christian and a lesbian at the same time? Is that okay with you? I feel I’m going against the Bible. In 1 Corinthians 6:9, it’s mentioned that gays will not inherit the kingdom of God. I feel that I’m “wicked” just like “idolaters, adulterers, male prostitutes, thieves, the greedy.” I feel that we’re all categorized. I feel that being a lesbian is against the law. Well, according to the Bible. I’m not putting the Bible down. I would never do that. It’s just I feel that you’ll probably not like me because of my sexuality.

But God, How can I control what I feel? I can’t do it. I can’t help that I’m attracted to girls. I can’t help that I prefer to date a girl more than a guy. I can’t help that I fell in love with a girl. I like girls. And that’s that. There’s nothing I can do about it.

I love you God!! Can you love me for who I am, and not what I am?? You did create me. I turned out the way you created me. Or did I turn away from you during my depression? Is there a way I can find the honest truth of how you feel about me or just gays in general. I’ve talked to many people about this topic, but I still have yet to find the answer.

By Krystella Rangel, Teen Reporter

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