Bang! In a moment, you can loose a very important person who has been in your life since you were born. Cynthia, age 18,
experienced this firsthand when her father committed suicide. Losing her dad impacted her life, and it is an experience she would never wish to anyone. It feels like the darkness overshadows your life, or you think you are being punished for something you did wrong.
You feel pain, anger, guilt and of course a deep sadness. You feel in shock and denial. It is a mix of feelings crashing into one another. You keep asking your self WHY? This is the hardest question to answer when some one dies, but the proper person to answer it is the person who died.
For a year and half, Cynthia has faced one of the hardest moments of her life. An ordinary but cold evening while she was in her room, the sound of her brother shouting and crying his soul out scared her like never before. With no clue of what had happened, she was scared. The police, and the ambulance showed up and then that was when she found out that sadly her father committed suicide.
“I felt confused, I couldn’t believe it was true. It was shocking, I didn’t know what to do.” Cynthia said.
A loss this big is very painful, sad and unforgettable because never in million years can you picture yourself in this position.
“Its very hard to imagine something like this can happen to you, until it happens. You feel a big shock, you feel like throwing up, like at any moment you will wake up and cry all at the same time.” she said. Can you imagine going through those kind of events? It can be very hard for some people to deal with this kind of pain. It is not easy to forget someone so special for you.
“I prayed for my dad, and for strength. This is not something that you get used to, but you just have to learn how to live with it.” she revealed. She told me how hard was at first for her and her family. The first month was the hardest, and saddest for her. The fact that your need to get use to the fact that you will never see that person makes things harder for you. It’s normal that things like this will not go away so fast, it takes a long time, and is never easy going through a healing moment.
Help from the people around you can make things a little less harder, because they will be with you every step of the way. An event like this can not be dealt with by yourself, it is hard. It is very heavy for you to hold on your shoulder.
“What helped me the most was the support from my family, friends, and my own strength. I didn’t want to see my mom down so I had to be positive for her and for my big brother.” Cynthia said. Although this experience didn’t affect her school work or her relationships, there’s still that sad feeling. She commented that it still hurts, mainly when she remembers him or sees other parents that remember her how he used to be it makes her almost cry. Who wouldn’t? It is your father, the guy who gave you life. “There’s not a day where I don’t think of him, I miss him but I have been able to keep on going with my life. I would say that the most important comes from you and how you can handle things.”
She knows this is not an easy event for any girl to deal with. Her experience can be reflected in other girls that have been through this. She knows she is not alone and neither are you. “Don’t let yourself fall, be strong for those who love you, and for that person that is gone. He/she wouldn’t like to see you down.” She gave us (who?) her own advice that she took so that the pain would be easier to deal with. She lost her father, her friend, her protector, her hero. She lost the person that was made to take care of her and her siblings. Yet even though that person is not with them physically she and her siblings know that he is he will always protect them and look after their well being. Although they had hoped that he would be alive to see them achieve their dreams and goals like graduating from high school and say “here dad, this diploma is for you; So that you can feel more proud of me!”and also seeing them get married and meeting his grand children, they know some how he is here.
Going through this experience has taught her so much about life, family, and herself. “This make me reflect that you never know when it’s going to be the last time you will see someone and from then I don’t like to be mad at no one.” Although it never mattered to her what he did, she will never be mad at him for that. He will always be the good father and always was been. All that is left are the good memories she shared with her father.
“I love you and please forgive me for those times when I yell at you and even offended you. Day by day I try to be the best daughter for my mom like you always wanted me to be. I LOVE YOU!”