Dating can be fun, exciting, and it’s usually a great experience, but sometimes it can be quite the opposite.You may say to yourself, “Oh he just loves me” if your boyfriend becomes possessive or jealous. Maybe he pushes you one day and says “It was just an accident, it will never happen again.” Sometimes he can be very controlling as he tells you what to wear or where to go, but other days he is really sweet. It can be really confusing as you wonder if the way he is acting is just a “one time thing” or maybe it will only get worse. So how do you know when its time to get out of the relationship or even better, how can you spot the violence before you even begin to date?
1. He Has A Bad Temper
If you start to notice that your boyfriend gets mad at everything and loses his temper quickly don’t just ignore it. Yes, we all have times when we can become upset, but if your boyfriend is getting mad for everything you do and hurts you or threatens to hurt you it’s time to get help! Don’t let his bad temper scare you from reaching out to others. Talk to an older sibling, a close and trustworthy friend, or an adult. The sooner you talk about the problem with someone else the more likely you will be able to get out of the relationship safely.
2. He Is Extremely Jealous
A guy who is a friend says “hi” to you in the hall. To you its a simple “hello”, but your boyfriend thinks it’s much more. He becomes extremely jealous as he starts checking your phone, Facebook, and Twitter daily. He forbids you from talking to other guys and even becomes jealous if you’re hanging out with your friends on the weekend. According to The Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence many girls think their boyfriends jealousy and possessiveness is “romantic,” but this is NOT “romantic” in anyway. If you can, confront him about this, but if you don’t feel safe doing so, tell someone. Get out of the way of his jealous rage before you get hurt.
3. He Puts You Down
You notice that your boyfriend is starting to put you down as he starts to call you names, tells you your not pretty, or even insults your friends and family. You start to think that maybe he is right, maybe your not beautiful, smart, funny, and unique. STOP! Don’t ever let a boy treat you this way. You are beautiful, you are smart, you are funny, you are unique. Don’t ever let a boy put you down and influence how you view yourself. If he does, break-up with him, there is no point in staying with someone who puts you down and doesn’t like/love you for who you are!
4. He Is Controlling
One day you decide to go to the movies with your friends, but your boyfriend doesn’t like that. He says you can’t go and you should stop hanging out with your friends. Along with deciding who you hang out with, he starts insisting that you change the way you act and the way you dress. He starts to control your life as you lose touch with your closest friends and maybe even some of your family. According to loveisrepsect.org, “1 in 4 teens who have been in a serious relationship say that their partner has tried to prevent them from spending time with friends or family.” The moment he starts to control you is the moment you should end the relationship.
5. He Pressures You
If you notice that your boyfriend starts pressuring you to do things, something is wrong. Whether he starts pressuring you to skip school or pressures you to do do drugs or drink alcohol, it’s time to get help. As stated by loveisrespect.org “nearly 1 in 4 girls who have been in a relationship, reported going further sexually than they wanted to as a result of pressure.” Never let a boy pressure you into doing something that you DON’T want to do. Don’t be afraid to speak up. Let your mom, a friend, or someone you are close to know what is going on so they can help you out of the situation you’re in.
If you or someone you know is experiencing or has experienced dating violence visit http://www.loveisrespect.org/ for more information.