Is your mom your best friend or your enemy? Do you argue constantly and can’t seem to get along? Your mom can be the coolest person you know and can sometimes become the person you don’t ever want to talk to again. Believe it or not there are ways to improve the relationship with your mom and make it much better!
Sometimes it might seem that your mom doesn’t understand your problems or what you’re feeling. How could your mom know what you’re going through if there isn’t any communication? The truth is that she most likely DOES know what you’re going through.
Instead of seeing your mom as a MOM, try viewing her as what she was before she became your mom. At a point in her life she was just like you, she was your age once, she went through fights with her friends and even had her heart broken too! If you really think about it, she’s your best candidate when it comes to advice!
Of course, your mom isn’t always going to know what is going on in your life although most of the time she has a pretty good idea. How will she understand your problems? It’s simple. Talk.
Talk – Communication is the key in any relationship. Easier said than done – right? Even when you feel shy or embarrassed about a problem you may have your mom is there to help you out! Talk to her like a friend after all she isn’t just your mom but she is also your friend. The hardest thing to do is to start so as soon as you start talking it becomes easier! But how do you approach your mom? Here are a few helpful tips.
Tip 1: Know Your Goal in the Conversation
The experts at WebMD recommend that you think about the goal of the conversation first. Whether it’s advice, asking permission to go somewhere or even bad news, know what you want from the conversation. Practice how and what you will say to make it easier for both you and your mom.
Tip 2: Make Small Talk
Try to have small talk about anything. In fact, it can be a sport you play, her cooking, or the cat. By having small talk everyday it allows you to have a connection and it makes it much easier to have a conversation. “Definitely communicate with your mom on a daily basis and maybe do something for them because I think sometimes we don’t realize how much they do for us,” says Kimberly Apodaca, 17.
“Try to open up, ask her about her day just have little conversations with your mom,” adds Sabrina Portillo, 18.
Tip 3: Right Time and Place
Find the right time and place at home, like in your favorite room, can help ease the situation. If you have to try to talk to your mom and it’s bad news, it’s not the best to say it while she’s in a rush to work. Don’t bring it up at a party or at a time when your mom is distracted (like talking on the phone).
Tip 4: Listen to your Parents Speak
What your parents have to say may not be what you wanted to hear. But you wouldn’t want your mom to storm out the room when you have something say, right? Give each other time while talking in order to process. Being patient and understanding can make a huge difference!
Tip 5: Talk to Another Adult
It may be hard to have a conversation with your mom, but there are other adults that can help with the situation. Perhaps talking with an aunt or a counselor can even help you talk to your mom. If you feel that your mom won’t understand you even after trying to talk to her, simply remind her that you are trying and that you want to work thinks out.
Tip 6: Give Each Other Space
Sometimes it’s not the talking that’s the issue, it’s the arguing. In the heat of the moment sometimes we say things we don’t mean, which means having shouting match with your mom can lead to someone getting their feelings hurt. Give each other space to calm down and avoid saying hurtful things to each other. When asked what to do when she argues with her mom, Sabrina agrees that giving each other space eases the situation.
Tip 7: Apologize
Arguing and raising your voice isn’t always the best feeling in the world. If you try to get your point across in a calm way and give each other space, it gives both your mom and you time to think. Once you really think about what you said or what the real problem is, it becomes much easier to talk and try to fix the issue. Remember to STOP. THINK. AND APOLOGIZE. A sincere apology at the end of an argument always eases things and makes room for understanding.
Does this “closeness” happen overnight? No, of course not! It’s a process just like with anyone else.
Tip 8: Put Yourself in Her Shoes
At a time when the problems may only be yours, try to think about your mom and put yourself in her shoes. Kimberly gives a piece of advice: “Try to understand your mom’s point of view and if you don’t agree on certain things reason with them, that doesn’t mean throwing a tantrum when you don’t get your way.”
Tip 9: Show Appreciation
Above all showing your mom you care is important. Sometimes they need a simple ‘thank you’ to show you care. “Appreciate your mother; It’s always the small things that you do with your mom that count, like small jokes you have between each other or just showing your mamá some love,” says Kimberly.
Sabrina also adds that as she has gotten older, her mom has become more of a friend. “I can tell her most things that happen to me and I gossip with her,” she says.
Trying to be close with your mom can be a challenge, but ultimately that’s what she probably also wants. If you ever seem to struggle to understand her something you can always do is put yourself in HER shoes. Think what you would say or do if you had a daughter. It’s not always easy being a mom; seeing her daughter grow up and become a young independent lady can be challenge, too. Make your mom your best friend and not your worst enemy.