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Problems Solved

March 7, 2013 By Leave a Comment

Question:
I don’t like smoking, but all my friends do. They are always buggin’ me to join them and smoke. I think it is gross. But they won’t shut up about it. What should I do?

Answer:
You are smart for not wanting to smoke despite the pressure. I think you should stand to your decision and tell your friends to respect your choice, or get new friends. If your friends are really your friends, then they will respect you and leave you alone. Also, I think you should help your friends because smoking doesn’t leave any good.
- Advice by Jasmin, age 14

No one should ever be pressured by friends. I mean all throughout your life you’ll see friends coming and going. You may think you’ll have the best friends forever, but it is only temporary. My personal opinion is you should never do something provoked by peer pressure!
- Advice by Velia, age 14

Question:
I really love my boyfriend. We’ve been dating for six months, but lately I’ve noticed that he is wanting to control ever little thing I do. He gets mad if I go out with my friends, and he wants me to spend all my time with him. He gets super jealous if I talk to any of my guy friends. It is great when it is just the two of us. When he is around his friends, he acts different. I want to stay together, but I don’t like the way he acts some times. How do I get him to change?

Answer:
I think that if a girl is being controlled by her boyfriend, then she should leave him. Some girls think that having an over-doing jealous boyfriend is cool because the guy really loves her. The truth is that this is dangerous. I don’t think any girl should be put down or be deprived of her rights.
- Advice by Jasmin, age 14

I think that she should break up with him, or tell him that she’ll leave him if he doesn’t start backing off. If he still acts like that or he gets worst, she should talk to his parents. If that doesn’t work and if it gets serious, then she should just get a restraining order.
- Advice by Samantha, age 14

By and For Latinitas

Filed Under: Advice for Girls, Get Real for Girls, Girls

5 Ways to Volunteer

February 20, 2013 By Leave a Comment

Volunteering is a rewarding experience. The memories you make as a volunteer will last a lifetime. One of the best benefits that is obtained from volunteering is the fact that you have made an impact on someone’s life!  Here are five fun ways you can get started in helping make a difference in your community today. Go out and try them!

1.) Animal Shelters

There are many different non-profit organizations across the U.S that dedicate their money and time to building and maintaining shelters for homeless or abused animals. However, aside from monetary donations, the animals in these shelters are also in much need of love and plenty of attention!  Volunteer opportunities vary in every shelter, but all you need to volunteer at these animal shelters is a BIG heart and lots of love. General volunteer activities include, but are not limited to, walking the animals, playing with them, and assisting with cleaning kennels. You may also be assigned to running errands that help the shelters maintain a clean and safe environment for the animals. Volunteering with animals will not only warm your heart, but you will be contributing to an under-serve area of your community. Who knows, you might find yourself falling in love with one of the lovable creatures and wind up adopting the dog or cat!

2.) Volunteer at Your Church

It doesn’t matter what religion or faith you practice, because most churches and religious congregations offer various community service opportunities. There are many different activities available at your local church and may include joining a ministry, singing for the church choir, helping out with any festivals or fundraising activities. Many times families from the local communities reach out to churches when they find themselves in need of help. Churches are not just places for worship, they often reach out to help local families as well.

Mari Ruiz is a volunteer catechism teacher at St.Thomas Aquinas Church and she mentions, “It is really rewarding to volunteer in the community, because you give your time and effort to help other people who need it and you don’t ask for anything in return.” “One of the most memorable moments that I have had while volunteering would be seeing the changes the kids in my Catechism class have had from one year and a half ago to now, how they’ve grown up and how much stronger and more knowledgeable they are of their religion.”

3.) Help at a Woman’s Shelter

Volunteering at a women’s shelter can be a very unique learning experience for a young Latina.  Jazmin Vasquez,  a volunteer for  Latinitas and local women shelters, says, “You get to know many women and hear their stories and experiences and in that sense you learn a lot from them. There is always plenty of work to go around, most of it is making sure that the person is getting all the help they can get, whether it be food, clothes or  counseling.” The experience of volunteering at a women’s shelter is all in all a positive one.

4.) Be a Youth Coach

Are you good at sports, dancing or playing the piano? Join a little league and help coach kids younger than you. It a good way to get some exercise and volunteer at the same time! You can also help coach other extracurricular activities, such as dance, gymnastics and music lessons. The point of helping those who are younger than you is to mentor them and help them achieve their goals.  Check listings at your local community centers or recreational centers. If there aren’t any listings of any activities you can coach, you can start your own!

5.) Go to a Local Food Bank

This activity you can do with a parent or older sibling. Food Banks collect and distribute food to underprivileged adults and children. According to www.worldhunger.org, in 2010,  17.2 million households did not have a secure supply of food. This was the highest number ever recorded in the United States. Donation is one option, but you can also volunteer at your local food bank by organizing a food drive, collecting food items, and distributing the canned goods. Some food banks collaborate with soup kitchen to prepare food. Ask your local food bank if this option is available. Don’t have time to organize or volunteer at a local food bank? You can scavenger your pantries and collect any unused, unexpired food items you may have and donate them to your local food bank.’

Filed Under: Get Real for Girls, Girls, Take Action for Girls

Friendship Advice: Fitting In

January 31, 2013 By Leave a Comment

Relationships can be hard especially with someone you really care for, or if the person you’ve known for a while is having trouble, or even if you’re trying to start a new one. Just remember that trust and communication can make or break any bond whether it be in the beginning or end of a friendship. As long as you can be yourself and understand one another, there shouldn’t be any problems. If there are problems there’s always a way to fix them, that’s where Latinitas comes in.

Question: “Whenever my best friend says or does something really mean to someone I point it out because I feel that’s what friends should do. The only problem is that whenever I’m honest with her she gets really defensive and threatens to end our friendship. How do I remain honest without losing my best friend?”

Advice: Honesty is the key to any relationship, whether it be family or friends. You’re doing the right thing in asking your friend to reflect on her actions or words, especially if their intention is meant to hurt someone else. Try to step back and put yourself in her shoes for a second. Think about how you would react to being approached and called out on something you feel strongly about, even if it’s wrong. Try to approach your friend the same way you would want to be approached in order to avoid tension, and be fair and calm. If you feel that doesn’t work, resort to honesty again. Tell her why you’re asking her to stop saying those things or why you make an effort to point them out. Let her know that she’s still your best friend and that your friendship means a lot to you. Explain to her that you want her to be honest with you and that you hope she feels as confident in your friendship as you do. The key is to be calm and understanding of what your best friend is feeling. Hopefully, reflecting and being honest to her about your friendship will help her understand that saying mean things is not right and that being honest is beneficial to any strong friendship.

Question: “I’m new to a school where there are a lot of cliques and I keep finding myself getting bullied because I can’t seem to fit in anywhere. How can I deal with being bullied  and make friends fast?”

Answer: Being new is incredibly hard and you should acknowledge that it’s difficult. Take a moment for yourself and breathe. Before rushing into friendships decide what it is that draws you to people. Because you’re being bullied, you could make a rash decision and end up in a group you don’t feel comfortable being with. You’re dealing with three very difficult and stressful situations. In order to figure them out and keep your cool, start with the one that’s bothering you the most. Assuming it’s bullying, talk to an adult you trust and let them know what’s going on. Bullying is something that should never be taken lightly. What may seem like no big deal now can escalate further down the road. It’s incredibly important that you feel safe in an environment and a community that is new to you. Once you have found a way to deal with the bully then you’ll be able to focus on making friends and adjusting to your new school. Try to break the cliques and surround yourself with positive people that you’re comfortable with. Don’t worry about fitting in to one specific group and having to act a certain way. Friends are people you can be yourself around and will accept you for who you are. Keep that in mind as you continue to encounter new faces.

Filed Under: Advice for Girls, Get Real for Girls, Girls

Teen Tackles Childhood Obesity

December 18, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Recently, Angela had the opportunity to attend the National Summit of Childhood Obesity. Angela, age seventeen, is a leader at the Boys and Girls Club in Nevada and has been part of the organization for four years. She is in the Triple Play Sports Leadership Club, the Keystone Club and she works as a leader in training. Spending most of her time at the club, Angela was eager to learn more about kids, and what better way than to learn about healthy eating habits and exercise than at the Childhood Obesity Summit. Latinitas was able to ask her about her time spent at the summit, her leadership role in the Boys and Girls Club, what she learned and how she is tackling the issue of childhood obesity.

Why is the issue of childhood obesity important?

Children are eating unhealthy as kids. They get lazy and maintain unhealthy body weights. It makes it harder for them when they grow up as adults if they stay that way. Being overweight can give them problems like diabetes or high blood pressure.

Why is this an issue that you care about?

I don’t want kids to grow up unhealthy and have medical problems. It doesn’t just affect the person but their whole family.

How does the issue of obesity impact the Latino community?

I’ve seen how Latino foods are prepared and they are not very healthy. Cooking foods in grease is bad for your arteries. I want to see the Latino community try to change the way they make food. Instead of using so much fat to make the food Latinos can use wheat tortillas for some dishes.

What advice would you like to share with other young Latinas?

Eat healthy now instead of later, because if you don’t eat healthy you will grow up with diabetes and high blood pressure and you will have problems to worry about like  heart attacks or even stroke. Learn to make changes when it comes to making food choices. Eat more veggies with your food. Also, being more active is always good. I do activities at the Club when we go to the gym and weight room. It is part of our Triple Play activities along with building good relationships with people.

What action can community members take to help with the issue of obesity? 

They can feed their child healthier food. They need to figure out that it’s ok to make some changes. Tell them to go outside for an hour a day or even two hours. Walks are good and easy. All you have to do is go out the door. My family likes to go on walks together. We also enjoy spending quality family time together.

What are your plans for launching an obesity related program in your community?

Our program is a walking program that we will be running at all our youth sites for 12 weeks. Teens from the Triple Play Leadership Clubs are going to be trained to go out to the sites and teach the younger Club members about being active, eating healthy, and making the choice to stay that way. We are calling it the FOOTie Movement and it’s going to be fun for all of us. We chose walking because it’s one of the easiest ways to be active and maybe eventually we can turn it into a running club. Not only does it help us, but we are trying to help other people too.

Tell us about your experience at the Triple Play Leadership Summit. 

It was good because I loved every part of the Triple Play Leadership Summit. I got to make friends with other Club kids from all over the country. I liked a lot of the guest speakers and we learned about community service and being leaders. I really loved the night time activities, including the part when we got to do one of the workouts with a boxer, Marlen Esperanza, and the hike to the Garden of the Gods. It was pretty there. We also learned more on how to include the three Triple Play ideas into everything we do. How can we become more active, what kind of food choices are we making and how can we continue to have positive relationships with people. We also talked about how we can take what we learned and bring that back to help other people get healthier in our community – like the walking program we are doing in Reno .

How did you become a part of the summit?

I did a lot of community service hours with the Triple Play Sports Leadership Club. We volunteered at events like the Reno Marathon, Run Amuck, Reno-Tahoe Open and Kidzone at UNR football games. The Sports club even put together a dodge ball tournament for the teens over Spring break to help get kids active and keep them busy.

Who was your favorite speaker in the summit? 

The boxer, Marlen Esperanza. She was telling us how to be healthy in life and how to find the one thing we are passionate about. When we find it, it will help us create a life with no regrets because we are passionate about what we do.

 

Filed Under: Get Real for Girls, Girls, Take Action for Girls

You Are Beautiful

November 1, 2012 By Leave a Comment

“My hips are huge!” Karen from the movie Mean Girls exclaims.

“Oh please. I hate my calves,” Gretchen replies.

“At least you guys can wear halters. I’ve got man shoulders,” Regina tells her reflection.

Scenes like these, though exaggerated, are happening in our very homes. Girls of all ages, starting as young as four-years-old, are being taught that the way they look is not good enough and should somehow be altered. Little girls, just past toddler age, are being put on diets and told that they won’t be “cute” until they lose weight. Four-, five-, and six-year-olds are covered in makeup and hairspray, stuck in frilly dresses, and put on stage to participate in beauty pageants. Rather than encouraging girls to change their appearance, we should teach them to appreciate what they were born with.

With shows like America’s Next Top Model and Toddlers & Tiaras as well as full coverage of things such as the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, it’s no wonder girls have distorted expectations as to how they should look. Truth is, it’s nearly impossible to look like supermodels Adriana Lima or Giselle Bundchen. Trying to imitate their look has just added numbers to the already growing statistics. According to the South Carolina Department of Mental Health, about seven million women suffer from an eating disorder.  Encouraging the stereotypes just causes even greater numbers of girls and women to be dissatisfied with how they look.

Remember that beauty comes in different forms. On the upside, celebrities such as Taylor Swift are often criticized for their tall and thin figure. “She’s anorexic,” and “Does she ever eat?” are comments frequently directed at her image. Many times, when women want to be empowering, they say things such as “Embrace your curves, nobody wants a stick.” Remarks such as these, as well-intended as they are, ignore the fact that girls and women are beautiful no matter what they look like; tall, short, thin, chubby, brown-eyed, blue-eyed, it’s all beauty. There isn’t a template that one has to fit in order to be beautiful. “I remind myself that nobody is perfect, not even those actresses and models,” Chelsea Villa, age 19, says. “We all have different hair, eye, and skin colors, with a variety of hair textures and body shapes, and to me, that’s real beauty.”

Focus on the things you like. Instead of pointing out flaws as we stare in the mirror, we should point out things we like. Something as simple as the shape of your eyes should be a cause to celebrate. No one has perfect features, but it’s important to know what features are perfect for you. Perhaps you don’t like your nose, but your high cheek bones are beautiful and you should remember that. If you’ve always wanted blonde hair but were born with dark brown, choose to focus on how rich your curls are rather than your dislike of the color.

Write positive messages to yourself. Leave them in places where you’ll be able to see them. “Good morning, beautiful!” written across your mirror can help bring a smile to your face and liven up your mood as you get ready in the morning. A post-it note with “Your dark hair really brings out your eyes” written across from it will be a great find as you dig through your pencil bag. It’s nice to hear from others that we look good, but it’s even better to hear it from yourself. Don’t be afraid to bring out the cheesy-overload!

Remember no one has perfect skin. No matter how beautiful and flawless someone’s skin looks, it’s guaranteed that at the worst time possible, they will get a pimple. Don’t stress out if you wake up and you have blemishes on your face. Rather than focusing all your attention on that, head over to your closet and wear whatever makes you feel good. Whether it is a flowered dress, a sparkly shirt, or your favorite band t-shirt, wearing something that you love and feel comfortable in will make you forget that you have some spots that weren’t there before. Learning to focus your attention to things you love about yourself is a great way to feel confident in your own skin.

Understand that beauty isn’t just what is on the inside. Most importantly, remember that beauty isn’t only made up of long legs, perfect hair, and luscious lips. Confidence, intelligence, and wit are beauty. Whether you look like a supermodel or not, as long as you think you’re beautiful and remind yourself of that every day, others will see your beauty as well.

Filed Under: Get Real for Girls, Girls, Hot Topics for Girls

Bully Free Tips

August 14, 2012 By Leave a Comment

In many school hallways across the country, children and teens are being bullied. Kids are spreading rumors, making fun of other students’ religion, teasing someone for how they look, hurting others because they have a different cultural background, picking on them because they are homosexual or sending harassing messages online.  About 77 percent, students are being bullied verbally, physically and other ways. Many adults don’t think that the situation of bullying is grave, but in truth, bullying has affected many teens. Bullying can lead to depression, drugs, alcohol, cutting themselves, and the biggest issue of all, teen suicide. There have been cases of teen suicide related to bullying. While this remains an issue on many campuses, many teens are starting to take a stand against bullying. They have created anti-bullying organizations, posted their stories online, made videos and told stories on the news.  These Latinitas share their top tips to creating a bully free zone, preventing bullying or helping someone in need:

Tip#1: “Ignore the people who are bullying you,” recommends Evelyn, age 17.

When other kids or teens are sayings mean things to you or someone that you know, it’s better to ignore those people. Ignoring those people shows that you don’t really care about their comments and that you like being who you are. Also, this helps you to let them know that you are stronger and more mature than fighting back towards them.

Tip#2: “Talk to the bully about their comments,” suggests Marlett, age 17.

Bullies may not know that their words are hurtful. Try talking to the bully and explain to them that their words and actions are not funny, that in fact it hurts and they should stop.

Tip#3:” Tell your parents, an adult, or even a friend, that you  can  trust,” shares Vanessa, age 17.

It’s important to tell someone that you  know about your situation. When you let people know about your troubles; it helps you to let out your troubles and lets them know about the conflict.

Tip#4: “DON’T fight the bully,” declares Marifer, age 17.

Involving yourself with the bully can lead to trouble. Just because the bully made a comment it doesn’t mean you should fight back with the same level of insult, or get into a fist fight. When the bully does an offensive comment, or physical contact, its best to ignore him or her and walk away. Doing this will get yourself out of trouble with the bully.

Tip#5: “Help the ones who are being picked on,” adds Evelyn, age 17.

When someone is being picked on, it’s better for you to help them out. You can help by telling an adult or  by defending the victim from the bullies.

Tip#6: “Don’t hesitate to ask for help,” says Vanessa, age 17.

It’s important to ask someone for help. It’s not snitching it’s protecting yourself. If the bully harasses you, tell an adult immediately. You don’t know what might happen next. It is better to be on the safe side.

Tip#7: “Try being their friend,” encourages Cynthia, age 21.

Some bullies intend to bug others because they want attention or because someone else is bullying them. The best way to overcome a bully is try to talk to them and be their friend. If the bully talks about their troubles and says what’s bugging them, it’s likely for them to stop tormenting other people.

Tip#8: “Be careful of your words and actions,” says Evelyn, age 17.

You may not know it but sometimes your actions and words can hurt others, making you a bully. Even if you are just playing around, to the other person may take it as an offensive joke.  The best way to avoid being a bully is to keep your comments to yourself and be respectful to the person you are talking to.

 

Filed Under: Advice for Girls, Get Real for Girls, Girls

Preguntale a Julianna: Friendships

July 15, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Dear Julianna,

People make fun of me sometimes because I try to do well in school. I want to succeed in life and buy nice things for my parents when I’m older. I’m only trying to make my life better. What can I do when I get teased about making good grades?

Dear Friend,

It is a great that you choose to do well in school. Hard work pays off in the end! I think the best thing you can do when being teased about your grades is to ignore the comments. You know your reasons for doing well and you do not have to explain yourself to anyone. Keep up the good work at school and soon enough you will accomplish your goal of making your life better.

Sincerely,

Julianna

Dear Julianna,

I have a friend who puts me down in front of other people. In private, she is like a best friend. I am not sure how to deal with, it but it makes me depressed. What should I do? What would you do if you were me?

Dear Amiga,

There is a saying, “With friends like that, who needs enemies?” I would definitely stop talking and hanging out with her. A friend should treat you the same everywhere in public and in private. If the situation is making you depressed, then perhaps you should talk to your friend. You can confront her and ask her why she treats you different in front of others. If the situation does not get any better, find new friends who will appreciate you and who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

Sincerely,

Julianna

 

Filed Under: Advice for Girls, Get Real for Girls, Girls

Take a Stand Against Mean Girls

June 9, 2012 By Leave a Comment

One day at school you find out that a mean and ugly rumor is being spread around about you. You know it’s not true, but no one believes you.You don’t know how to deal with it and you feel that everyone has turned on you even your closest friends. Unfortunately, for many girls this is a reality. Life as a teenager is hard enough, but being bullied is unacceptable and hurts both physically and mentally. If your being bullied, how do you deal?

Bullying, especially with teenagers, has been around forever, but in the past few years it has become a very serious and scary issue. Did you know that bullying is no longer just being pushed around in the playground, but being verbally attacked whether through gossip, rumors, or on the internet? It’s not just physically draining, but it hurts mentally too.

Particularly with tween and teenage girls, bullying has grown to be a more verbal and mental thing rather than physical, but why is that? Vanessa Rodriguez, age 17, says, “I think girls feel that if they can turn everyone else against their “victim” then it’ll hurt more than an actual physical confrontation. Most bullies are jealous of the other girls’ popularity and happiness so they try to get to the people around her to mess up her life.”

Not only has bullying gone beyond rumors being spread in person, but now the social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter are used to bully others. This type of bullying is know as “cyberbullying.” So what exactly cyberbullying? Dalena Lopez, age 13 says, “Cyberbullying is when somebody is harassed or bullied either on the computer through the internet or through text.” But why take it to the internet?

Ytzel McDaniel, age 18, says, “I think we girls in general are too smart for our own good. I just don’t think it is our nature to fight, but we do like to plot. Talking bad about each other has always been happening, social networks just make it easier and worse.” It is much easier to bully someone over the internet than it is in person, because it can happen at any time and is available for many people to see.

So if your being bullied how do you deal?

Vanessa says, “It’s hard, but ignore it. Those girls are acting they way they are, because they’re trying to be someone that they’re not. They think being mean will impress others when in reality, everyone has the same opinion of them- annoyed. Stay close to your friends they’ll help you get through the bullying and you guys will be able to laugh at it later on. If things get out of hand, TELL someone older. Don’t let those girls run your life.” While ignoring it sometimes works, the bullying can often be too much to handle. Don’t be afraid to tell a counselor, teacher, parent, or an older sibling. They WILL help you and you shouldn’t be afraid to speak up.

“Don’t let it bother you. Just because someone says something about you doesn’t mean its true. I would talk to someone about it who I can trust, like my mom,” says Dalena. Talking to someone who you trust will help you deal with being bullied.

“Don’t let them see it getting to you,” says Ytzel. “All a bully wants is to see you break so even though it is scary stand up to them. You don’t have to be mean, just show them that they can’t control you. The thing I have learned is there is always going to be  those girls who want to be the ‘biggest and baddest’, but once you say something they normally back down.” As hard as it may be standing up to the bully is the best thing to do. You should never be mean, but show them that they can’t control you with their hurtful words. Surround yourself with positive people, who love you for who you are. Never change yourself, as those who love you for who you are are your true friends.

One day you go to school and you find everyone being really nice to you. Everyone is getting along and no one seems to be picking on others. No mean rumors are being spread and no one is alone or sad. There are no cliques and everyone is seen as equals. This doesn’t have to be a dream, this can be a reality.

Filed Under: Dealing for Girls, Get Real for Girls, Girls

Advice: Ask Alexis

June 1, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Dear Latinitas,

For the past few weeks, my best friend and I haven’t really been talking. We treat each other as if we don’t know each other. I want our friendship to go back to what it was. What can I do?

Dear Friend,

I have been in your same situation. One of the best things to do is pull your friend to the side, or contact her somehow, and just talk about things. Talk about how your friendship once was and bring up good memories. Then, talk about what happened to cause all of this to fade away. You two should be able to have reasons as to why there has been distance. It would be sad to lose a best friend because of miscommunication.

Dear Latinitas,

My best friend is trying to change who she is for a boy. How can I tell her that she shouldn’t do it?

Dear Friend,

The nicest way to tell your friend to not change her personality for a boy is to tell her in private. Do not make a big scene and call her out in front of others. It is best to confront her privately and have a discussion about her actions. Make sure to tell her about your concerns and how much you care for her. Also, try to give an opinion of the boy, but not too much because you don’t want to upset your friend. Make sure to remind your friend that she is fine the way she is and that she should not change for anyone.

Dear Latinitas,

My friend is always hanging out with the wrong people. How do I tell her what she’s doing is wrong?

Dear Friend,

What you can do is pull your friend to the side, talk to her, and give her examples of her reckless actions. The examples would only be needed if she can clearly not understand your point of view.  Make sure that you tell her how much you care about her, the friendship, and her well being. I’m not saying that this will be an easy task and she’ll come running back to you. However, it does not hurt to try since you truly believe the crowd she is hanging with is bad.


Dear Latinitas,

My friends are always telling me to change my looks and personality. How do I tell them I don’t want to change?

Dear Friend,

Well, the  first thing to do is to ask your friends about their reasoning. Why do they want you to change your looks and personality? Ask them for an honest opinion of you.  I say this because everyone has a reason for their beliefs. They should be able to have a legitimate reason to want you to change yourself.  When I say legitimate reason, I mean that they should have an honest and caring opinion about the way you look. They should want you to change in order to benefit yourself and your self esteem. After they answer you, you have to think whether or not you can actually trust their judgement. What matters most at the end of the day is how you feel about yourself. If you are fine with how you are, you can explain this to them and that you see nothing wrong with how you carry yourself.

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Queridas Latinitas,

Durante las últimas semanas, mi mejor amiga y yo casi no hemos hablado.  Nos tratamos como si fuéramos extrañas.  Quisiera que nuestra amistad volviera a ser como antes.  ¿Qué puedo hacer?

Querida Amiga,

Yo he estado en la misma situación.  La mejor cosa que puedes hacer es hablar a solas con tu amiga sobre lo que está pasando.  Hablen sobre su amistad y recuérdale buenas memorias de cosas que pasaron juntas.  Luego, hablen sobre lo que ocasionó que se distanciaran.  Las dos deben saber que es lo que paso para que se dejaran de hablar.  Sería muy triste que su amistad terminara por un malentendido.

Queridas Latinitas,

Mi  mejor amiga esta intentando cambiar por un chico.  ¿Cómo le digo que no debería hacerlo?

Querida Amiga,

La mejor manera de decirle a tu amiga que no cambie su personalidad por un chico es decirle en privado.  No hagas un drama enfrente de otras personas.  Es mejor que la confrontes en privado para poder tener una discusión sobre sus acciones.  Asegúrate de informarle tu preocupación por ella y muéstrale que ella te importa.  También exprésale tu opinión acerca del chico pero no al punto de que tu amiga se moleste.  Recuérdale a tu amiga que está bien como esta y que no debería cambiar por nadie.

Queridas Latinitas,

Mi amiga se está juntando con las personas equivocadas.  ¿Cómo le digo que lo que está haciendo es un error?

Querida Amiga,

Lo que puedes hacer es hablar con tu amiga y dale ejemplos de sus acciones.  Los ejemplos serian necesarios solamente si ella no entiende tu punto de vista.  Asegúrate de decirle cuanto te importa ella y su amistad al igual que su bien estar.  No te aseguro que ella va volver a ser la misma de antes inmediatamente pero, no pierdes nada en tratar de convencerla si es que en verdad crees que las personas con las que se junta la pueden dañar.

Queridas Latinitas,

Mis amigas siempre me dicen que debo cambiar mi apariencia y mi personalidad.  ¿Cómo les digo que yo no quiero cambiar?

Querida Amiga,

La primera cosa que debes hacer es preguntarles sus razones.  ¿Por qué deberías cambiar tu apariencia y personalidad?  Pídeles su más sincera opinión sobre ti.  Te lo digo porque todos tenemos una razón detrás de nuestras opiniones.  Tus amigas deben tener una razón legítima para pedirte que cambies.  Por legítima me refiero a que deben tener una opinión honesta sobre tu apariencia.  Deben  querer que cambies para beneficiarte a ti y a tu autoestima.  Cuando respondan a tus preguntas, entonces puedes pensar si puedes confiar en sus formas de pensar.  Al final, lo que importa es como te sientes tú contigo misma.  Si tú te sientes bien, entonces explícales que no vez nada malo en la forma en que te presentas.

 

 

Dear Latinitas, 

For the past few weeks, my best friend and I haven’t really been talking. We treat each other like if we don’t know each other. I want our friendship to go back to what it was. What can I do?

Dear Friend,

I have been in your same situation. One of the best things to do is to pull your friend to the side or contact her somehow and just talk about things. Talk about how your friendship once was and bring up good memories. Then, talk about what happened to cause all of this to fade away. You two should be able to have reasons as to why there has been distance. It would be sad to lose a best friend because of miscommunication.

Dear Latinitas,

My best friend is trying to change who she is for a boy. How can I tell her that she shouldn’t do it?

Dear Friend,

The nicest way to tell your friend to not change her personality for a boy is to tell her in private. Do not make a big scene and call her out in front of others. It is best to confront her privately and have a discussion about her actions. Make sure to tell her about your concerns and how much you care for her. Also, try to give an opinion of the boy, but not too much because you don’t want to upset your friend. Make sure to remind your friend that she is fine the way she is and that she should not change for anyone.

Dear Latinitas,

My friend is always hanging out with the wrong people. How do I tell her what she’s doing wrong?

Dear Friend,

What you can do is pull your friend to the side, talk to her, and give her examples of her reckless actions. The examples would only be needed if she can clearly not understand your point of view. Make sure that you tell her how much you care about her and the friendship and her well being. I’m not saying that this will be an easy task and she’ll come running back to you. However, it does not hurt to try since you truly believe the crowd she is hanging with is bad.

 

Dear Latinitas,

My friends are always telling me to change my look and personality. How do I tell them I don’t want to change?

Dear Friend,

Well, the  first thing to do is to ask your friends about their reasoning. Why do they want you to change your looks and personality? Ask them for an honest opinion of you.  I say this because everyone has a reason for their beliefs. They should be able to have a legitimate reason to want you to change yourself.  When I say legitimate reason, I mean that they should have an honest and caring opinion about the way you look. They should want you to change in order to benefit yourself and your self esteem. After they answer you, you have to think whether or not you can actually trust their judgement. What matters most at the end of the day is how you feel about yourself. If you are fine with how you are, you can explain this to them and that you see nothing wrong with how you carry yourself.

 

Queridas Latinitas,

Durante las últimas semanas, mi mejor amiga y yo casi no hemos hablado.  Nos tratamos como si fuéramos extrañas.  Quisiera que nuestra amistad volviera a ser como antes.  ¿Qué puedo hacer?

Querida Amiga,

Yo he estado en la misma situación.  La mejor cosa que puedes hacer es hablar a solas con tu amiga sobre lo que está pasando.  Hablen sobre su amistad y recuérdale buenas memorias de cosas que pasaron juntas.  Luego, hablen sobre lo que ocasionó que se distanciaran.  Las dos deben saber que es lo que paso para que se dejaran de hablar.  Sería muy triste que su amistad terminara por un malentendido.

Queridas Latinitas,

Mi  mejor amiga esta intentando cambiar por un chico.  ¿Cómo le digo que no debería hacerlo?

Querida Amiga,

La mejor manera de decirle a tu amiga que no cambie su personalidad por un chico es decirle en privado.  No hagas un drama enfrente de otras personas.  Es mejor que la confrontes en privado para poder tener una discusión sobre sus acciones.  Asegúrate de informarle tu preocupación por ella y muéstrale que ella te importa.  También exprésale tu opinión acerca del chico pero no al punto de que tu amiga se moleste.  Recuérdale a tu amiga que está bien como esta y que no debería cambiar por nadie.

Queridas Latinitas,

Mi amiga se está juntando con las personas equivocadas.  ¿Cómo le digo que lo que está haciendo es un error?

Querida Amiga,

Lo que puedes hacer es hablar con tu amiga y dale ejemplos de sus acciones.  Los ejemplos serian necesarios solamente si ella no entiende tu punto de vista.  Asegúrate de decirle cuanto te importa ella y su amistad al igual que su bien estar.  No te aseguro que ella va volver a ser la misma de antes inmediatamente pero, no pierdes nada en tratar de convencerla si es que en verdad crees que las personas con las que se junta la pueden dañar.

Queridas Latinitas,

Mis amigas siempre me dicen que debo cambiar mi apariencia y mi personalidad.  ¿Cómo les digo que yo no quiero cambiar?

Querida Amiga,

La primera cosa que debes hacer es preguntarles sus razones.  ¿Por qué deberías cambiar tu apariencia y personalidad?  Pídeles su más sincera opinión sobre ti.  Te lo digo porque todos tenemos una razón detrás de nuestras opiniones.  Tus amigas deben tener una razón legítima para pedirte que cambies.  Por legítima me refiero a que deben tener una opinión honesta sobre tu apariencia.  Deben  querer que cambies para beneficiarte a ti y a tu autoestima.  Cuando respondan a tus preguntas, entonces puedes pensar si puedes confiar en sus formas de pensar.  Al final, lo que importa es como te sientes tú contigo misma.  Si tú te sientes bien, entonces explícales que no vez nada malo en la forma en que te presentas.

 

Filed Under: Advice for Girls, Get Real for Girls, Girls

4 Warning Signs of a Toxic Friend

May 18, 2012 By Leave a Comment

We believe that friends have our backs and that friendships will remain strong. In some instances, not everyone that we befriend is right for us. These type of friends are often referred to as toxic friends. Toxic friends tend to have their own agenda and cause emotional pain. Luckily, toxic friends are easy to spot. These are four warning signs to find out if your friendship or friend is toxic and how to fix it:

1. Distance

Think about how you and your friend usually act together and how frequently you guys talk.  If you notice that your friend is paying less attention to you or even paying more attention to others, this might be a sign of trouble. Distance always means that something is wrong, but the reasoning behind it may not be so simple. Distance can mean they need space, you have offended them, or  they  have not found a way to tell you that you have hurt them. Friendship is not one-sided and the best thing you can do is confront your friend about it and talk things through to clear the air. Confronting your friend about this problem will not make you seem needy.  If you talk to your friend about this and they have a bad attitude about it or put you down for it, then this friendship may be toxic. A good friend always listens.

2. Acting Differently

There are many variations of this. Think about how your friend normally acts when she is with you. Changing can sometimes be a good thing. If they have a “mean-streak” and start acting “nicer,” then this is an acceptable change. A toxic friend is someone who starts to change by acting out, having an unpleasant attitude, or simply acting differently to impress others. Acting differently can mean that they are not the same person you originally befriended.  As a result of this, they can be seen as a perfect stranger to you and could potentially be a bad influence. If they are acting like a different person around you or other people, ask them why they’re acting differently.  Determining whether or not they are a toxic friend is based on the reaction to this question. If they avoid the question or continue acting like someone else, then you should watch out.

3. Telling secrets

A big part of a toxic friend is whether or not they spill your secrets. Keep track of who you tell your secrets to, since this will surely come in handy. If you notice that other people are aware of your secrets, then make sure to confront your friends. You have to confront them in order to see who has been leaking your secrets. A good friend will never let your secrets be heard, because they have your trust and are responsible for maintaining that trust by keeping your secrets.

4. Boyfriend Troubles

A huge warning sign of a toxic friend is if she changes her personality for a boyfriend. Your friend has a boyfriend, but is she acting differently now that she is with him? Take notice of any behavioral changes. Is she any different than before? Is she distant? Talk to your friend about this. If she overreacts and believes that you are jealous,  calmly talk with her. If she still thinks you are being jealous, it might be an indicator that the friendship is on the rocks.  A boyfriend and a friend accepts you for who you are, which means a boy, or anyone else,  should never change someone or ruin a good friendship.

Filed Under: Dealing for Girls, Get Real for Girls, Girls
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