Growing up with a single mother as a child was something that truly influenced the way I went about into the world because my mother was my role model. I believe that goes for a lot of girls, they see their mother as their first role model, a figure of love and the embodiment of our first picture of what a woman should be. My mother’s pride was something that always stood out to me growing up because she has always been the most tenacious person in my family. She was the middle child that at a young age decided she was going to be the one to get her family out of poverty.
She tells me that when she had to start looking for a new job to support my older brother and sister, the family still did not have a vehicle. Therefore she had to walk in her business clothes by the train tracks near her house to go out on job searches. She ended up getting a job a clothing manufacturer building and ended up being the breadwinner of the family and was responsible for moving my grandparents, her siblings, and her children to a good neighborhood and a nice house. I remember getting ready with her every morning. I would see her put on her sleek slacks, and stilettos. She always looked very classy and fashionable and she really enjoyed her job.
I was never close to my biological father and got to know my now stepfather when I was in eighth grade. My mother never filed for child support for me or my brother and sister. Her pride would not allow her to. I remember her saying, “We don’t need the money, I can provide everything you guys need.” Although the money could have helped, I do not ever remember struggling in my life. We did not have a lot, but we had everything we needed and each other, which was, much more than enough. I feel that I have been very lucky to view a strong and vigilant mother as my first role model. I learned these five things from having a single mom:
1. Alone time with my mother became a sacred thing.
Due to the fact that my mother was working full-time, she was unable to do things like cook half of my meals or be home when I got out of school. This time apart we had between us made me cherish the time I had with my mom when we were able to go shopping, on movie dates, and trying out new restaurants together. My brother and my sister rarely attended these outings because my brother is eleven years older than I am, while my sister is fourteen years older. This age difference meant that my brother and sister were older teens at the time who were not so interested in “hanging out with mom,” which really worked out to my advantage as a young girl. These little outings did and will always remain cherished times.
2. Growing up with an independent mom made me want to be independent.
Watching my mother be the breadwinner of the house gave me this image of an empowered woman as my first role model. She was strong and did not need a man to “take care of her.” This image resonated with me at a very young age and I started to believe in being a “super-woman” just like my mom.
3. She pushed me to get out of my comfort zone.
My mom is a vibrant burst of energy who is very welcoming and very good at talking business. She’s not shy at all and therefore does not think twice about speaking her mind. However, that was not the case for me when I was a young girl. I was originally very shy and timid, but over time a lot of her communication traits passed themselves onto me and I was no longer shy.
4. She gave me my sense of Girl Power.
If it was not for my mother and the life she gave me, I am not sure I would view other women the way I do now. My mom would always tell me that girls need to stick together because it is a hard world out there. Up until the eighth grade, my mom was single and was not at all trying to have a relationship. However, she never seemed lonely, but rather very happy. She would go out dancing sometimes with her girlfriends on rare occasion, but the bulk of her free time was with me.
5. She encouraged me to bond with my extended family.
The lack of time I had with my mom due to her work schedule made me create strong bonds with my aunts and grandmother. They helped raise me, so it was like having four moms! The strong bond of women who were in my house was astonishing. My family consists of mostly women. Living in a matriarchal house made me realize at a young age how powerful communication and comadre-like bonds are amongst women.